SOC-028

The Happy Tree

Picture originally posted by u/███████.
Stats
Status	Cozy
Researcher	faultychips

SOC-028 visually resembles a member of the Pinus longaeva species. It is approximately 18 feet tall and 8 feet in width, with branches that stretch out in multiple directions. A long groove along the trunk's length, deemed likely damage from a fire, reveals a deep red inner bark. Branches do not feature pine needles, but do grow cone buds. The buds that grow from SOC-028's branches do not become hard, but instead germinate into bright red fruits. If any human steps within an approximate 20 foot radius around SOC-028's location, these fruits will drop to the ground, immediately beginning a rapid growth of a replacement fruit, which finalize into ripe fruit after about one week.

Containment began on March ██, 202█, when user u/███████ posted to Reddit's "r/Frugal" site a picture of the fruit, with the caption: "Remember guys, if you don't have a fruit tree at home, find one! I went into the woods and foudn this one with fruit that slaps. Easy!" The post did not receive many upvotes but many commenters noted the strange appearance of the fruit and advised the original poster against eating random fruit from a weird tree. Curious about the potential for a Stupid Object discovery, SOC researchers determined u/███████ to be a resident of ████ ██████, California, so SRMs were sent into the field to shake u/███████ really hard until precise location of SOC-028 was given. The tree was located and moved into SOC custody where tests on the object and its fruits began.

When fruit from is SOC-028 is consumed, human test subjects report that it tastes sweet, and consistently increases dopamine and endorphin levels, though it's hard to say if this is supernatural in nature or if it is just that yummydelicious. Due to this effect, the fruit does induce a "craving" effect, like that of sugary foods. We tried to give it to a dog to see if it would like it. It took it and then spit it out. Oh well.

Arguments are still ongoing as to whether the fruit harvested from SOC-028 should be consumed, considering the full effects are still potentially unknown, but the majority of SOC employees agree that the tree appears to be a positive Stupid Object and researcher ██████ made a strong argument for "a nice weekly pie." Due to the growing sitewide interest in the tree and it's calming effects, it was relocated from the parking lot to the break room. We didn't have a pot big enough so we broke the part of the floor with the least stuff under it and put some dirt there. Pillows and beanbags have been added to the base of the tree for added coziness and also so there's less exposed dirt. SOC employees are advised to remain cautious of SOC-028 but are encouraged to facilitate care of it during their breaks, such as watering, snuggling or telling SOC-028 about their day. So far containment seems effective.

Sometimes SOC employees will report that while taking their break, the branches of SOC-028 seem to be twisted into a strange smile. To avoid any adverse Stupid Object effects, said employees are shaken really hard until they don't think so anymore.

Consider it Cozy.

[CHAT LOG: 04-██-2█]

[20:13:45] █████: Hey are u done with those lab results yet [20:14:02] F██████████: which ones. i havent been able to grab the pigeon yet so [20:14:10] █████: the one for the fruit tree theyre considering putting in the breakroom [20:14:15] █████: they wanna know if its a poisonous fruit before we start doing potlucks [20:14:48] F██████████: oh. that one. yea [20:16:08] █████: ...and? what's the result [20:17:47] F██████████: doesn't match any fruit on record [20:17:58] █████: huh. and it didn't say anything else [20:20:32] █████: ? [20:25:21] F██████████: no [20:25:24] F██████████: it didnt say anything else at all. [20:25:48] █████: damn. [20:25:57] █████: oh well. [20:26:17] F██████████: yep.