SOC-009
SOC-009 is a little animal that is really scary. Some people say "it's really cute," but this is assumed to be part of the anomalous properties of SOC-009, because it's really scary, actually. It might be some kind of bird or reptile but it's not clear so Stupid Object researchers have just been calling it a dinosaur. We don't know what it does, but it really likes people, and keeps trying to go up to them and get in their laps. Once it does this, it begs for food, and if fed, it uses the energy from the food to divide and create an identical copy of itself, which then repeats the feeding process. During extreme containment breaches, this feeding process has resulted in up to ████ concurrent instances of SOC-009, all of which are really hard to get rid of, because they move really fast and make really weird noises that scare the researchers.
Containment
SOC-009 needs to be kept in a bathtub full of industrial-grade adhesives. These adhesives keep it stuck to the inside of the bathtub and they are really hard to wash off, so they work even though it's in a bathtub. Sorry, we didn't know what else to put it in. The adhesives have to be reapplied frequently, because SOC-009 keeps eating them and using that to make more of itself. Do not under any circumstance allow anyone who is not a Stupid Object researcher approved to work with SOC-009 into the bathroom where SOC-009 is kept. Most containment breaches are caused by people feeling bad for SOC-009 and feeding it. Also, unapproved researchers keep trying to feed other Stupid Objects to SOC-009 in hopes it will destroy either SOC-009 or the object. This never works, and it's really annoying.
We have to get rid of this fucking, thing, okay? This thing is fucked up. Nobody knows how to get rid of it. Even if you get it down to one instance, and stop feeding it, and put it in glue, it's still fine, it acts all nice and everything. This is highly hazardous.
Consider it Exasperating.